I was reading my Bible last night before bed and I found something VERY interesting that made my mouth drop and my eyes get big in astonishment. Was I sleeping the last time I read this passage? How did I not see this before?! :O)
I was reading the story of Samson in the book of Judges. To be more specific, Chapter 14. It was telling the story of Samson and his first wife. During the week long wedding feast he told his companions (from his wife's village) a riddle. They were unable to come up with an answer and so threatened Samson's wife if she did not reveal the answer. She coaxed it out of Samson and told her people the answer to the riddle that had been plaguing them. As they puffed their chests with arrogance while telling Samson the answer, he replied back with:
"If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have solved my riddle."
He called her a cow!
Needless to say, that marriage did not last.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Flight of the Yellow Jacket
I arrived at an acquaintance's house to pick up her son and as I walked up to the front door I noticed a yellow jacket flying around the nearby flowers. I did my best to pay no attention to it and walked right between the two flower bushes that border the front walkway. The doorbell had been rung and I waited patiently in the entryway listening to the sounds of hurried steps and muffled voices on the other side of the door.
Next thing I knew the yellow jacket that had previously been minding his own business decided to venture into my little bubble. He came cruising up the walkway and got way too close for comfort. I looked around in a panic for something to deter him with and all I had were my car keys! I knew the folks inside the house were going to open the door at any moment and I was afraid at what they might see on their front porch, but I had to get the wasp away from me. I was scooting around the porch in quick fashion, flopping my big feet, and as the wasp came back for a second visit I used the only thing I had handy. I shook my keys at him and nearly clobbered him in the process. (Oh that's good, make him even more testy. Pahhhhh!)
Apparently he had enough, but before he turned and flew away he flung a brown little ball of something onto the patio floor. Was that a seed he was carrying? Was it a ball of poison? Curiosity got the best of me and I leaned in for a closer look. I tapped the little round ball of brown with the tip of my flip flop and was astonished at what I discovered. It was POO! A little round blob of brown goo. That little wasp had tried to hit me with a dropped ball of poo!
Unbelievable.
Next thing I knew the yellow jacket that had previously been minding his own business decided to venture into my little bubble. He came cruising up the walkway and got way too close for comfort. I looked around in a panic for something to deter him with and all I had were my car keys! I knew the folks inside the house were going to open the door at any moment and I was afraid at what they might see on their front porch, but I had to get the wasp away from me. I was scooting around the porch in quick fashion, flopping my big feet, and as the wasp came back for a second visit I used the only thing I had handy. I shook my keys at him and nearly clobbered him in the process. (Oh that's good, make him even more testy. Pahhhhh!)
Apparently he had enough, but before he turned and flew away he flung a brown little ball of something onto the patio floor. Was that a seed he was carrying? Was it a ball of poison? Curiosity got the best of me and I leaned in for a closer look. I tapped the little round ball of brown with the tip of my flip flop and was astonished at what I discovered. It was POO! A little round blob of brown goo. That little wasp had tried to hit me with a dropped ball of poo!
Unbelievable.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Between a Bike and a Hard Place
This evening found me in a tight little fix.
I was in the garage pulling down a crate off the shelves. Sounds easy enough but what you must know is that the shelves I was needing to get to were behind four hanging bikes. I was crammed up against an old lamp stand on one shoulder and a dirty bike tire pinching me in on the other shoulder. I spotted the crate I so desired and went to work pulling the dusty bin from the shelf. I was tugging and scooting and shifting, TRYING to maneuver this crate of dishes free from its spot on the shelf. Well, as I was out there all alone I was finally making progress and the crate came sliding down the shelf at an angle and before I knew it my hand was caught between the heavy crate and the bike on my right! I think I let out a little moan as a "what do I do" sort of sound and then I couldn't help it. I started laughing.
Not so much at the pain of being squished but more at the predicament I found myself in. I attempted to shift the crate down easily but every time I pulled I jammed my hand up against the bike. Not so easy. I guess my problem is that when something isn't giving---I yank until it does. That technique right there probably did not help the situation with my hand.
So there I was with my twiggy little arms attempting to hold this crate at an odd angle and all I could do was laugh. And any of you that know me understand that when I laugh it does nothing to help the amount of muscle I WAS using to begin with. I managed to maneuver the clunky crate down out of the obstacle course but not before something funny happened to my hand. As I was yanking and pulling during my small battle I paid little attention to my own physical safety. However, after I got the crate down I noticed that my hand was feeling a little..........funny. I was afraid at what I might see but I decided I needed to look as I was the only one in the garage who would be able to do anything about it. As I turned my hand over I think my stomach flip-flopped at what I saw. One of the veins that runs on top of my hand had popped up over one of the skinny lil' tendons/bones on top of my hand. Due to the strain I put it under I'm sure. LOL! I'm serious when I tell you that the vein was sticking up out of my skin a good quarter of an inch high. No joke! It looked like something alive was growing under my skin.
Now I have a red spot on my hand.
I still have not located the dishes I am looking for. Did I just pop a vein for nothing?!
I was in the garage pulling down a crate off the shelves. Sounds easy enough but what you must know is that the shelves I was needing to get to were behind four hanging bikes. I was crammed up against an old lamp stand on one shoulder and a dirty bike tire pinching me in on the other shoulder. I spotted the crate I so desired and went to work pulling the dusty bin from the shelf. I was tugging and scooting and shifting, TRYING to maneuver this crate of dishes free from its spot on the shelf. Well, as I was out there all alone I was finally making progress and the crate came sliding down the shelf at an angle and before I knew it my hand was caught between the heavy crate and the bike on my right! I think I let out a little moan as a "what do I do" sort of sound and then I couldn't help it. I started laughing.
Not so much at the pain of being squished but more at the predicament I found myself in. I attempted to shift the crate down easily but every time I pulled I jammed my hand up against the bike. Not so easy. I guess my problem is that when something isn't giving---I yank until it does. That technique right there probably did not help the situation with my hand.
So there I was with my twiggy little arms attempting to hold this crate at an odd angle and all I could do was laugh. And any of you that know me understand that when I laugh it does nothing to help the amount of muscle I WAS using to begin with. I managed to maneuver the clunky crate down out of the obstacle course but not before something funny happened to my hand. As I was yanking and pulling during my small battle I paid little attention to my own physical safety. However, after I got the crate down I noticed that my hand was feeling a little..........funny. I was afraid at what I might see but I decided I needed to look as I was the only one in the garage who would be able to do anything about it. As I turned my hand over I think my stomach flip-flopped at what I saw. One of the veins that runs on top of my hand had popped up over one of the skinny lil' tendons/bones on top of my hand. Due to the strain I put it under I'm sure. LOL! I'm serious when I tell you that the vein was sticking up out of my skin a good quarter of an inch high. No joke! It looked like something alive was growing under my skin.
Now I have a red spot on my hand.
I still have not located the dishes I am looking for. Did I just pop a vein for nothing?!
FedEx Fumble
I was driving through my old work business park earlier today when I saw the ol' familiar FedEx truck pull out in front of me just down the block. For a split second I got excited and thought to myself, "Oh wow, this could be one of my FedEx guys!"
So I pushed the pedal to the medal and sped up to the FedEx truck. I realized I better back off his tail a little bit so he could at least see me in his mirrors. As we were driving down the lane I was smiling like a nut and trying to decide whether I wanted to flash my brights at him, wave my hands in the air, or honk my horn once or twice to get his attention. As though the little black car zipping behind him wasn't enough to notice. Thankfully I didn't do ANY of the above. Much to my luck.
As he pulled into the same lot that I was headed too, I cautiously got out of my car and nonchalantly threw a glance over my shoulder to see the driver of the truck.
THANK HEAVENS I didn't act like a nut job waving that guy down because it was NOT either one of my beloved FedEx guys. THAT could've turned out rather embarrassing had I flashed him down.................especially since he followed me into the building. Talk about awkward possibilities.
Leave it to me.
So I pushed the pedal to the medal and sped up to the FedEx truck. I realized I better back off his tail a little bit so he could at least see me in his mirrors. As we were driving down the lane I was smiling like a nut and trying to decide whether I wanted to flash my brights at him, wave my hands in the air, or honk my horn once or twice to get his attention. As though the little black car zipping behind him wasn't enough to notice. Thankfully I didn't do ANY of the above. Much to my luck.
As he pulled into the same lot that I was headed too, I cautiously got out of my car and nonchalantly threw a glance over my shoulder to see the driver of the truck.
THANK HEAVENS I didn't act like a nut job waving that guy down because it was NOT either one of my beloved FedEx guys. THAT could've turned out rather embarrassing had I flashed him down.................especially since he followed me into the building. Talk about awkward possibilities.
Leave it to me.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Drop, Plop & Duck
It seems that I have yet to learn the artful technique of dropping a poop pattie into the toilet from a soiled diaper.
I was faced with that situation today. I had just cleaned up and removed a poopie diaper from a certain lil someone that will remain anonymous. Rest assured it was not me. (Still holding out on the Depends for Women.)
I had the diaper in hand and was standing over the toilet deciding which angle I wanted to drop the pattie from. I now realize that perhaps I should have knelt down a little lower to the toilet to minimize the splash. I clearly wasn't thinking this through as the smells permeating the diaper were starting to seep into my brain. I apparently thought I would go for the roll technique. As I stood up over the toilet I lowered the diaper somewhat closer to the toilet and with a flick of the wrist the pattie plopped into the water below. I believe I gave it too much momentum as I gave that extra flick of the wrist because toilet water soon splashed up onto my legs. I believe I was paralyzed for a few seconds as I realized what had just splashed onto my white shorts. Horror of all horrors. I let out a panicked yell and swung the diaper, that was still in my hand, up past my face in a hurry to backup from the toilet. As though anymore damage could be done. I made the mistake of letting my eyes roam and got an eyeful of the remains in the diaper. I nearly went cross-eyed at the smell. At that moment my eyes began to twitch, my mouth curled, and I gasped for a breath of fresh air.
I dove for a Clorox wipe under the counter and scrubbed it onto my shorts. Needless to say, I'm still working on my drop and plop technique. Better luck next time!
I was faced with that situation today. I had just cleaned up and removed a poopie diaper from a certain lil someone that will remain anonymous. Rest assured it was not me. (Still holding out on the Depends for Women.)
I had the diaper in hand and was standing over the toilet deciding which angle I wanted to drop the pattie from. I now realize that perhaps I should have knelt down a little lower to the toilet to minimize the splash. I clearly wasn't thinking this through as the smells permeating the diaper were starting to seep into my brain. I apparently thought I would go for the roll technique. As I stood up over the toilet I lowered the diaper somewhat closer to the toilet and with a flick of the wrist the pattie plopped into the water below. I believe I gave it too much momentum as I gave that extra flick of the wrist because toilet water soon splashed up onto my legs. I believe I was paralyzed for a few seconds as I realized what had just splashed onto my white shorts. Horror of all horrors. I let out a panicked yell and swung the diaper, that was still in my hand, up past my face in a hurry to backup from the toilet. As though anymore damage could be done. I made the mistake of letting my eyes roam and got an eyeful of the remains in the diaper. I nearly went cross-eyed at the smell. At that moment my eyes began to twitch, my mouth curled, and I gasped for a breath of fresh air.
I dove for a Clorox wipe under the counter and scrubbed it onto my shorts. Needless to say, I'm still working on my drop and plop technique. Better luck next time!
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Aughhh-gravation!
Due to the sizzling summer temperatures in Arizona I felt it was high time to finally breakdown and purchase a sunshade. No more touching a steering wheel that is hot enough to cook raw hamburger, aka---my hands. No sirree, I finally joined ranks thanks to my dad and his generous purchase of the sunshade. Now all I have to do is master the art of folding it down.
Easier said than done people!
I'll admit that I have been on the slow boat when it came to buying a sunshade. Never owned one in my eight years of owning a car. Pitiful, I know. Anywho, it's a common sunshade in the shape of two circles and now I have the wonderful task of taming it.
I've done pretty well at folding it down to the correct 8" circles it's supposed to be, but today...................today was just a battle of wills. I was sitting in the Target parking lot, warm air blowing in my face as the AC set to work cooling down the car and me sitting there attempting to fold these two circles into a taco shape and give a flip of the wrist---per the directions. Try after try after try and still no success. As the sunshade was bee-boppin around my dash as I skillfully tried to fold it down I could not get it to compromise. As I was battling it out time after time with the shade, taking hits to the face when it would pop open unexpectedly, all I could wonder was "Is anybody watching me?" I know if I'd seen someone fighting with their sunshade as dramatically as I was today there'd be no hope at hiding the laughter.
The frustration at trying to fold two screens into smaller circles got the best of me and I wound up throwing them into the backseat. Out of sight, out of mind.
I SHALL conquer this!
Easier said than done people!
I'll admit that I have been on the slow boat when it came to buying a sunshade. Never owned one in my eight years of owning a car. Pitiful, I know. Anywho, it's a common sunshade in the shape of two circles and now I have the wonderful task of taming it.
I've done pretty well at folding it down to the correct 8" circles it's supposed to be, but today...................today was just a battle of wills. I was sitting in the Target parking lot, warm air blowing in my face as the AC set to work cooling down the car and me sitting there attempting to fold these two circles into a taco shape and give a flip of the wrist---per the directions. Try after try after try and still no success. As the sunshade was bee-boppin around my dash as I skillfully tried to fold it down I could not get it to compromise. As I was battling it out time after time with the shade, taking hits to the face when it would pop open unexpectedly, all I could wonder was "Is anybody watching me?" I know if I'd seen someone fighting with their sunshade as dramatically as I was today there'd be no hope at hiding the laughter.
The frustration at trying to fold two screens into smaller circles got the best of me and I wound up throwing them into the backseat. Out of sight, out of mind.
I SHALL conquer this!
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